the Joke

Hey,

This is GenYgg, back for some more juicy storytelling ? Figured you’d be back. Last time you were reading, you were left with the idea that my entrance into high school was going to choke my social life to death – this is a fact, it is still very true.

Going into high school, I had to face everyone I knew… and everyone I didn’t know. There were students from other elementary schools and older students, whom I did not know. Granted, I was never a social butterfly, but what followed my first steps inside high school basically made sure I would never become one. See, I already had a hard time fitting in because none of my previous schoolmates related to me (or I to them), but then it started, as soon as I walked in – the Bullying. A capital ‘B’ because it got out of hand so very quickly.

First year of high school, I’m on the verge of getting hit by the puberty train and I’ve got a beautiful ‘stache growing right above my beautiful upper lip – cute face, really. I’ll have you know, that ‘stache was the first thing people bullied me with. Guys I didn’t know, girls I didn’t know, even the ones I did know, it was a funny game to play, apparently. Unknowingly and without consent, I became the joke. I was so alienated that my social skills suffered from this.

I’ve said for the longest time that kids and teenagers are cruel, not inherently, but their incapacity to weigh their words makes them so. I just got there, and for reasons I don’t understand, and sometimes don’t even know, I’m laughed at. I’m not going to pretend I’m over it – I’m not, these wounds still hurt. All of these things were happening while I was discovering and understanding my own person, a.k.a. I’m gay.

This first year, I had the bad luck of getting a boner in class. In itself it is so embarrassing, but what’s more embarrassing is when one of your so-called friends notices and starts making an inside joke with your other so-called friends, leaving you out of the loop and torturing you with it.

Above it all, I don’t know why, I was so desperate to have a girlfriend (still confused, but kinda convinced I liked penis > va-j-js). I made a fool of myself, which didn’t help my case. What followed was a series of unfortunate events, not like the movie, or the series… literally, if it can go wrong, it will. The first “girlfriend” i dated was an elementary school sweetheart, a girl I’d dated back in the day. So we dated, for a week or two, then she tells me it’s gotta end. Well, alright. It turns out it was just a bet between girls… Ouch. Going through all these damn memories makes me wonder what the hell I was thinking. I then went on a a journey to find love, oh boy. I don’t remember how many girls I thought I liked and how many girls to whom I said I liked them… No wonder I was such a joke. I remember standing in front of our lockers, waiting for this girl to just tell me if she liked me and I’d been waiting for her to tell me for so long, she giggled with my other so-called friends, I was hopeful, I was – but it was just friendship. Another fabulous thing that happened is when these same so-called friends made believe I had a secret admirer, I didn’t want to make a fool of myself more than I already did… but I really wanted to feel appreciated by my peers. I fell into their trap as they laughed behind my back, they would plan everything, plant letters in my locker, making me believe that a girl I liked was that secret admirer. I felt betrayed, I felt alone, who were my friends, did I even have friends ?

All of the above is without mentioning the new guys that I didn’t know – the ones that would eventually make my life a living hell, but that’s a story for another time.

Until then,

 

Remember that the only things that can hurt us are the things we allow to get to us.

-GenYgg

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